The Black Cabs Conspiracy

23Aug06

Riding on the wave of my newly-found soft spot for conspiracy theories, I think I had uncovered a very intriguing mystery.
First, some background. I’m one of the unfortunate souls that have to drive o work and back for 3 hours everyday. I drive across Cairo (6th of October) and sometimes around (Ring road). Being a true Cairene, being stuck in traffic is a second nature, hell, it is even a skill; show me an abandoned city, and we will gladly have traffic there, and get stuck in it. It’s what we do. My point is: it comes as no surprise for me that traffic is really bad at certain bottlenecks, and better (slightly better) at others.
What is suspicious though, is that once I passed one of those “bottlenecks”, and tried to find the reason for the very slow traffic there, I couldn’t find any. Only after I really paid attention that I found that the reason for these traffic jams is invariably an old black cab. The black cab’s engine is always fuming, its drivers is always dark with whitening hair, his face is always dusty, he is always carrying a water container, and the water container is always red!
Does that sound like a coincidence?!
I think not.
Here is what I think:
I think that this is a part of a plot to decrease the productivity of Egyptians. Being the upbeat, work bees that we are, our angry, self loathing “enemies” had to resort to this lame tactic (hey, we uncovered it) in order to hold us back from being at our work places on time, where we could have produced the greatest technologies man had ever made, the weapons of tomorrow, and the equipment that will take us to the most distant galaxies in space. Instead, we produce biscuits, and ice cream.
Those @#$#@# bastards. We’re on to you!! We’re on to you!!! Bring it on!!!!!

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3 Responses to “The Black Cabs Conspiracy”

  1. Getting a little carried away there, aren’t we? In my personal experience, and unless there is an accident, there usually is no clear and obvious reason for these jams.

    Once, while returning home from work, the streets were clogged about half-way to my nighbourhood. Two kilometres later, I discovered that the only reason there was a traffic jam on my side of the road was because there had been an accident on the other side and drivers were slowing down to gawk at that accident.

    I arrived home about 40 minutes later than I usually do. Just because of that.

    Thus, obviously!, the man with the bottle of water with red liquid inside drives ahead of you and waits for a bottle neck where upon he invariably leaves his car and acts out his shameful scharade everytime.

    Sorry, buddy, it’s you he’s after.

  2. I think it’s just that the black-cab crowd creator has limited haunts. I myself have sighted him on 6th of October. Maybe he just doesnt show up on other roads.

    Speaking of cab-centric conspiracies.. Remember *dramatic music and drumroll* El Saffa7? That raging lunatic that would steal taxis and use them to kidnap girls for all sorts of nasty purposes. He had the entire cairo population taking down cab-numbers every time a female got into a cab. Luckily he died on the se3eed train crash.

    Point being, maybe the black-cab dude died in one of the recent transport fiascos.

  3. The ring road is arguably the most hazardous road in the world .
    Really .
    The bumps .. the holes .. the darkness .. the trucks .. the speeding cars .. the micro-buses picking up passengers (on an alleged “highway’ , mind me !) .. the donkeys .. the pedestrians crossing it as if they’re taking a stroll on the Nile or sthg , and last but not least , the disappearing lanes !
    You’re in a lane and *poof* , gone … just like that !
    It’s a deah trap .. really !


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